before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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