in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
