I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize