The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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