If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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