I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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