just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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