Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
