the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
