I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out mid-signature
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
