I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
