Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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