If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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