found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
