He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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