my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
