I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
