i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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