well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
