don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
