69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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