I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
