We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
