True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
