Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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