The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
