What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
