nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
