Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize