I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
