dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
