I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
