I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
