I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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