I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
