Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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