You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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