I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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