I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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