chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
