This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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