Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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