Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
