I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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