Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize