Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
