Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
