how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
