chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
50% drunk capacity currently
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
