if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
