she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
