I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i out mim tonsoeep
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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