Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize