I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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