My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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