I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
