there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
