I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
