I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
