You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dicks are not precious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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