Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
