UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
