My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
