wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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