Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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