Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
id be glad to
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
