WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He felt like a one man threesome
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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