I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
