my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
