Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
