she woke up with a sticky ear
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
