fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
