Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
