He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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