Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
