I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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