my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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